


I Just Want You to Know Who I Am

by NightCourt_HighLady



Series: A Court of Lyrics and Melodies [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9204572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightCourt_HighLady/pseuds/NightCourt_HighLady
Summary: Rhysand and Feyre are on their way back to the townhouse in Velaris when they become enraptured by the street musicians.Songfic for Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls





	

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written songfics in over a year and a half thanks to what I'd like to refer to as "THE INCIDENT." But this fandom has made me break promises to myself in more ways than one and I'm glad to write this and finally get it out of my head where it's been for days.
> 
> This is the first in a series I plan to keep up of the songfics for this fandom that have been living in my head. I have an entire playlist revolving around just Feysand, but I might drop others in there as well as the songs fit.

Feyre was entranced by the street musicians. I shoved my hands in my pockets and just watched her watch them as we once again strolled through the Rainbow. Feyre found an excuse to be here at least once a week once she returned from the Spring Court.

Entranced by Feyre, it took a few moments for the lyrics of the song the talented man was singing pierce my consciousness, but once they did I was lost in them.

**_And I'd give up forever to touch you_ **

**_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_ **

Oh Cauldron, here it comes.

My mind froze as I once again saw that frightening memory of Feyre as her neck was broken. The tiny “oh” shape her mouth made from shock, the flash of pain that I felt from the fledgling bond we shared.

And then her body, broken and beaten. Like what was left of my soul: as though she had taken a piece of it with her when she went.

And then what she told the Bone Carver. “ _ I knew I was dead, and this tiny scrap of spirit was all that was left of me, clinging to the thread of our bargain.” _ Knowing that she had felt me there. Knowing that she had clung to  _ me _ though unknowing, in death.

**_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_ **

**_And I don't wanna go home right now_ **

Leaving her in that house every month when she was slowly dying, immortality nonwithstanding. I just wanted to stand there and  _ shake _ Tamlin. Just shake him until he could  _ see _ that she was dying and  _ by the Mother he’s killing her _ .

But all I could do was leave her there.

**_And all I can taste is this moment_ **

**_And all I can breathe is your life_ **

Suddenly the lyrics brought to mind that moment in the cabin when she sat down with me, let me bare my soul to her, all the dark, ugly corners, and she  _ stayed _ . And she didn’t just stay, she sat there and kissed my tears away and told him how proud she was to be mine. All I could do was kiss her. Kiss her and hold her and just lose what was left of myself in her.

And come back out the other side a better male than the one who walked into that cabin.

**_When sooner or later it's over_ **

**_I just don't wanna miss you tonight_ **

Hybern. Oh Hybern.

Those months she was in the Spring Court had been a misery. We could only just barely feel each other. Just barely know. All we could feel was life and strong emotions. We couldn’t touch, couldn’t even speak.

Missing her was like dying a little bit more every day.

**_And I don't want the world to see me_ **

**_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_ **

Amarantha’s Whore.

Even now, a century later, it haunted me. Some Faeries refused to work with me still. It was why I let Feyre be my diplomat. It was why I kept my "High Lord" mask on in company.

**_When everything's made to be broken_ **

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

Feyre  _knew._ She was my mate. She knew what was in my soul. She saw the dark and broken bits of me and loved me. Not because she wanted me to be anyone but myself, but because she wanted me to know that I was worth it.

**_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_ **

**_Or the moment of truth in your lies_ **

Sometimes I still see her walk away from me after learning the truth from the Suriel. After she caught me in all of the lies and half truths and omissions that I'd fed her over the past several months.

It hurt every single time.

**_When everything feels like the movies_ **

**_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive_ **

Sometimes, before her, all that I could feel was pain. I couldn't feel happiness or joy or hope. Just pain.

So when she came to my door more broken than I was, I made sure that she could feel  _something_. Because even pain and anger are better than the destructive nothingness that filled her and threatened to tear me apart.

**_And I don't want the world to see me_ **

**_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_ **

Even the humans knew that the further north you went in Pyrithian, the darker the people became. And my domain at the very top was the darkest of all. Even showing the mortal Queens my city of light and life couldn't break the illusion I'd spent over 400 years building, and 50 years solidifying.

Except her. 

She was never afraid.

**_When everything's made to be broken_ **

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

Even as a human, she was never afraid of me. 

Even in the Court of Nightmares.

**_And I don't want the world to see me_ **

**_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_ **

**_When everything's made to be broken_ **

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

She  _saw_ me.

**_And I don't want the world to see me_ **

**_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_ **

**_When everything's made to be broken_ **

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

I tore my gaze away from the musicians to find her blue grey eyes drilling into mine. Her mind was gently entwining itself with mine.

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

**_I just want you to know who I am_ **

She placed her palms on either side of my face, cradling it. I placed my hand over her tattooed one.

Mind open to me, she thought at me.

_I see you Rhys. You are kind and good. You love your people and your family. You are strong._

_You are my mate._

_I see you._

_And I love every piece of you._


End file.
